If you want to leave a message after the tone

Then speak clearly and I'll call you when I'm home

Just say your words and say your name

Leave the time and date you called

And I'll get back to you

Unless you're completely a boring old fart



If you want to leave a message after the tone

And darling, please forgive me, I'm not home

I'm out shopping or trying to buy a dress

So please leave your message, unless you're in distress



Please leave a message after the tone

I'm so sorry this is taking me so long

I hope you're not calling from Australia

Or far from Singapore

Or this whole thing is costing you a fortune

As well as being a bore



(sobbing) Leave a message, please leave me a message after the tone

Because ... alright I am! I am home! I am, I am, I am!

I'm locked up in the bathroom all alone

Please leave a-me a message after the tone