I got this pain that I just can't deal with

How I wish I had somebody to go and eat oatmeal with

Oh gee, I really need a friend to play with me

I'd give him friendship and affection

I'd even let him come and see my paper clip collection

Oh gee, I sure could use a friend to play with me

In line he'd gladly stand

To watch a marching band

Or buy some saddle shoes (laugh)

He'd worship argyle socks, collect them by the box

He'd help me chase these blues

My style would please him, more than a smidgeon

He'd say, "It's really nifty Bert, the way you dance the pigeon"

Oh gee, I gotta find a friend to play with me

Won't somebody hear my plea?

Wanna end this misery

I wish I had a friend to play with me