He's a serious mister

Shake his hand and he'll twist your arm

With monopoly money

We'll be buying the funny farm

So i'll do flips,

And get paid in chips

From a diamond as big as the ritz--

Then i'm calling it quits





Eyes the color of candy

Lies to cover the handicap

Though your slippers are ruby

You'll be led to the booby trap

And there's no prize,

Just a smaller size

So i'm wearing the shoe til it fits--

Then i'm calling it quits





Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds

Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines

Lifting dialogue from judy garland storylines

Where get-tough girls turn into goldmines





But oh, those polaroid babies

Taking chances with rabies

Happy to tear me to bits--

Well, i'm calling it quits

Yes, i'm calling it quits.