I met him in a crowded room

Where people go to drink away their gloom

He sat me down and so began

The story of a charmless man

Educated the expensive way

He knows his claret from his beaujolais

I think he’d like to have been Ronnie Kray

But then nature didn’t make him that way



He thinks he’s educated, airs those family shares

Will protect him, that we’ll respect him

He moves in circles of friends who just pretend

That they like him, he does the same to them

And when you put it all together

There’s the model of a charmless man



He knows the singers and their cavalry

Says he can get in anywhere for free

I began to go a little cross-eyed

And from this charmless man I just had to hide



He talks at speed he gets nosebleeds

He doesn’t see his days are tumbling down upon him

And yet he tries so hard to please

He’s just so keen for you to listen

But no-one’s listening

And when you put it all together there’s the model of a charmless man