1. I KNOW IT'S GETTING LATE

AND I KNOW WE HAD A DATE LUCIA

I HATE TO MAKE YOU WAIT

CAUSE IT WOULD BE SO GREAT TO SEE YA

TEARS FALL FROM MY EYES

AND I MUST APOLOGIZE LUCIA

I’LL HAVE TO STAY AT HOME

SO I CALLED YOU ON THE PHONE

CAUSE I'M STUCK HERE ON THE THRONE

WITH DIARRHEA

I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY GAS

SO I WENT AND LET ONE PASS

THEN I STOOD THERE IN A TRANCE

AS I FILLED MY BRAND NEW PANTS



2. MY MOTHER BROUGHT ME SOUP

BUT IT ONLY MADE ME POOP LUCIA

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ATE

BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE A GREAT IDEA

YOU KNOW IT REALLY HURTS

WHEN YOU GOT THE HERSHEY SQUIRTS LUCIA

THERE'S NO PAPER TO BE SEEN

SO I USED PEOPLE MAGAZINE

AND IT MAKES ME WANNA SCREAM

DIARRHEA



I LOVE YOU DEAR WITH ALL MY HEART

BUT I CAN'T GO OUT WITH LIQUID FARTS

I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BREAK OUR DATE

IF ONLY I COULD CONSTIPATE



3. I KNOW YOU GOT THE HOTS

BUT I REALLY GOT THE TROTS LUCIA

THERE'S NO NEED TO SCREAM AND SHOUT

CAUSE TOMORROW WE'LL GO OUT I GUARANTEE YA

I KNOW YOU NEED YOUR MAN

SO I CAME UP WITH A PLAN LUCIA

I’LL TAKE A CORK AND SUPER GLUE

POUND IT IN THERE WITH MY SHOE

AND THEN I’LL BE ALL THROUGH

WITH DIARRHEA