This isn't primus, it's King Missile



I woke up this morning

with a bad hangover

and my penis was missing again.

This happens all the time:

it's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time:

I can leave it home

when I think it's going to get me in trouble,

or I can rent it out

when I don't need it.

But now and then I go to a party,

get drunk,

and the next morning I can't for the life of me

remember what I did with it.



First I looked around my apartment

and I couldn't find it

so I called up the place where the party was.

They hadn't seen it either.

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet

(because for some reason I leave it there sometimes)

but not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.

I called some other people from the party

but they were no help either.



I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.

It makes me feel like less of a man,

and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.



After a few hours of searching the house

and calling everyone I could think of,

I was starting to get very depressed.

So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast.

Then as I walked down Second Avenue

towards St. Mark's place where all those

people sell used books and other junk on the street,

I saw my penis lying on a blanket

next to a broken toaster oven.

Some guy was selling it.

He wanted 22 bucks,

but I talked him down to 17.

I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on.



I was happy again.

Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but,

I don't know. Even though it's sometimes a pain in the ass,

I like having a detachable penis