Here we are in court today

Rose just took the stand

She's divorcin' me for reasons

I still don't understand

That dress is showin' more of her

Than I've seen in years

And the story that she's tellin's

Even got the judge in tears



She's accusin' me of hangin' out

With girls of ill repute

Adultery, abandonment

Even alcohol abuse

I just heard my mother shout

Your Honour throw the book

And even my attorney

Just gave me a dirty look



Everything's comin up Roses

The house, the car, the kids and all the cash

Everything's comin up Roses

And I'll be lucky if I keep the shirt that's on my back



My head is buried in my hands

The courtroom is adjourned

She got all I ever made

And all I'll ever earn

If I had a handkerchief

I'd break right down and cry-y

Why, even Johnny Carson

Got a better deal than mine



Everything's comin up Roses

The house, the car, the kids and all the cash

Everything's comin up Roses

And I'll be lucky if I keep the shirt that's on my back



Everything's comin up Roses

And I'll be lucky if I keep the shirt that's on my back