He's got the bonhomie of a game show host

And his handshake is so limp it's like meeting a ghost

His apologies are tired cos he uses them a lot

His excuses are so lame if they were horses they'd be shot



He lies through his teeth with impeccable grammar

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger



Keeping all his options open till the very last minute

Checking every situation trying to work out what's in it

Trying to pin him down is like nailing water to a wall

He's incapable of making a commitment at all



Like trying in a nail with an inflatable hammer

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger



Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who's never there

He won't be there again today

Well, that's what he told me to say



He's got the natural arrogance of an exclamation mark

And he wishes his bite was as big as his bark

He's appealing to the referee at every single stage

He's a fuzzy little bundle of impotent rage



And where he ought to have patience, he only has anger

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger



He has a lack of humility defies imagination

And he hangs round like a fart in a Russian space station

He doesn't even notice as he sells you down the river

Cos he's one of life's takers and he's looking for a giver



He smirks and shrugs his shoulders as he drops another clanger

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger