@HEADLINE NEWS

Lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic

Music by Crash Test Dummies



Once there was this kid who

Took a trip to Singapore

And brought along his spraypaint

And when he finally came back

He... had... cane marks all over his bottom

He said that it was from when

The warden whacked it so... hard...



Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm



Once there was this girl who

Swore that one day she would be

A figure skating champion

And when she finally made it

She... saw... some other girl who was better

So she hired some guy

To club her in the knee... cap....



Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm



They got paid for their sound-bites

And sold their TV movie rights



And then there was this guy who

Made his wife so mad one night

That she cut off his weiner

And when he finally came to

He... found... that Mr. Happy was missing

He couldn't quite explain, it had always just

Been... there....



Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm



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Anil (Bob) Kapur





"The answers to life's problems