Your boyfriend, he

Went down on one knee

Well, could it be

He's only got one knee ?

I tried to surprise you

With Vodka

Or Tizer

I can't quite quite remember

But you didn't thank me

You didn't even thank me

Because you never do

Your boyfriend, he

Has the gift of the gab

Or, could it be

The gift of the grab ?

I tried to surprise you

I lay down beside you

And ... nothing much happened

And you didn't phone me

You didn't even phone me

Because it's not your style

To dial

Your boyfriend, he

Has displayed to me

More than just a

Real hint of cruelty

I tried to surprise you

I crept up behind you

With a homeless chihuahua

You "coo"-ed for an hour

You handed him back and said :

"You'll never guess - I'm bored now"