Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park

Shaves in the dark trying to save paper

Sleeps in a hole in the road

Saving up to buy some clothes

Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose

Such a mean old man

Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop

She never stops, she's a go-getter

Takes him out to look at the queen

Only place that he's ever been

Always shouts out something obscene

Such a dirty old man

Dirty old man