1. IT'S ONE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS

I'M CRABBY AND I'M BROKE

I'M SO FULL OF HAM AND FRUITCAKE

I THINK I'M GONNA CROAK

IT'S NICE TO SEE THE RELATIVES

I WONDER WHEN THEY'LL LEAVE

THE'VE BEEN CAMPING IN MY BATHROOM

SINCE EARLY CHRISTMAS EVE

2. THEY'RE EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT

AND SLEEPING IN MY BED

I BEEN SACKED OUT IN THE BASEMENT

WITH MY BEAGLE FRED

THE RELATIVES HAVE ALL GONE OUT

AND LEFT THEIR SCREAMING BRATS

THE TOILET BOWL IS ALL CLOGGED UP

AND I CAN'T FIND THE CAT



CHORUS:

IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AT MY HOUSE

THE RELATIVES ARE HERE

THEY EAT ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME

AND DRINK UP ALL MY BEER

I LOVE THE DECORATIONS

AND THE SLEIGH BELLS IN THE SNOW

BUT I WISH THOSE PESKY RELATIVES

WOULD TAKE THEIR KIDS AND GO HOME



3. THOSE COOKIE CRUNCHERS FED THE DOG

A TWENTY POUND RIB ROAST

HIS FEET ARE STICKING IN THE AIR

LIKE SKINNY OLD FENCE POSTS

NOW THEY'RE IN A FREE FOR ALL

THE GIRLS AGAINST THE BOYS

THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER BOXES

'CAUSE THEY'RE BORED WITH ALL THEIR TOYS



4. MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS SNORING

IN MY FAVORITE TV CHAIR

THOSE KIDS ARE STRINGING LIGHTS ON HER

AND TINSELING HER HAIR

I OUGHTA WAKE HER UP BEFORE

THE FIREWORKS BEGIN

BUT I WANNA SEE THOSE BLUE SPARKS FLY

WHEN THEY PLUG HER IN



(REPEAT CHORUS)