I was sitting naked in a holiday inn down in Orlando

And it was the morning of the last day of the year

I didn't know who I was and I thought I might've been Evan Dando

But if I was him than what the hell was I doing here

So I asked myself one simple question

What would I do with the rest of my life

If I knew I couldn't fail I guess I'd get the hell

Out of Orlando and find me a rich and beautiful wife



Cause I don't want to do a damn thing

And I want to be appreciated

And I want to get paid well

And I don't want to be hated

I don't want to do a damn thing except lie in the sun

And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone



So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a porno

They said you better have a credit card I said honey I'm pretty hard up

But I ain't got no visa I said honey could you please uh help me

She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted

And I was kinda disgusted myself cause it had all come down to this

And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely

When you're sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird

Down in Orlando in the middle of the night



So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing

But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him

So I said I had to go then I couldn't take it any longer

You know the desire to throw my naked body out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger

I tried to take a cold shower but I couldn't get my nerve up

I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair

That was the worst idea that I had all day

But goddamn it gets lonely down in f.l.o.r.i.d.a.



Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird

And just what the hell does it look like an