ERNEST:

Were I a king in very truth,

And had a son--a guileless youth--

In probable succession;

To teach him patience, teach him tact,

How promptly in a fix to act,

He should adopt, in point of fact,

A manager's profession.

To that condition he should stoop

(Despite a too fond mother),

With eight or ten "stars" in his troupe,

All jealous of each other!

Oh, the man who can rule a theatrical crew,

Each member a genius (and some of them two),

And manage to humour them, little and great,

Can govern this tuppenny State!



ALL:

Oh, the man, etc.



ERNEST:

Both A and B rehearsal slight--

They say they'll be "all right at night"

(They've both to go to school yet);

C in each act must change her dress,

D will attempt to "square the press";

E won't play Romeo unless

His grandmother plays Juliet;

F claims all hoydens as her rights

(She's played them thirty seasons);

And G must show herself in tights

For two convincing reasons--

Two very well-shaped reasons!

Oh, the man who can drive a theatrical team,

With wheelers and leaders in order supreme,

Can govern and rule, with a wave of his fin,

All Europe--with Ireland thrown in!



ALL:

Oh, the man, etc.