Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor

They're just tiny little rumors

That I started 'cause I'm lookin' out for you

Oh settle down, I'm just a little jealous

and I'm sure those other fellas

never once believed the lies I told were true



Like the time I told that cowboy

that you used to be a man

and the doctor you were datin'

that you hide your wedding band

even if I am responsible for scaring them away

you really ought to thank me

I was doin' you a favor

'cause it never woulda worked out anyway



Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doin'

all the crazy things I'm doin'

Is because I really care about you girl

and I'll admit I go a little farther

than I know I probably oughta

But it's all because I need you in my world



Like the time I told that lawyer

that you spent a year in jail

and the salesman you were seein'

you hang out in cheap motels

even if I am responsible for scaring them away

You really ought to thank me

I was doin' you a favor

'cause it never woulda worked out anyway



I can't stand the thought of you

with anybody else

I know I've gone overboard

but I can't help myself



Like the time I told that dentist

you had seven little kids

and you doubled as a dancer at the strip club on the ridge

even if I am responsible for scaring them away

You really ought to thank me

I was doin' you a favor

'cause it never woulda worked out anyway



It's all because I love you and

I can't stop thinking of you

and it never woulda worked out anyway